How to Deal with Someone Setting Boundaries with You

November 28, 2021

Most of us believe setting personal and emotional boundaries are essential to protect our peace, but when the boundary is set towards us, why does it feel like a personal attack and hard to accept? Is it because we’re so close to the person and feel like a boundary is unnecessary? Or because we feel faultless to think that we couldn’t have possibly done or said something to motivate them to create that boundary with us?

There’s so many limiting beliefs and negative thinking that immediately arise when someone has initially created a boundary with us. It makes us question our actions, read into things a little too much, and even doubt our personality traits that we are usually proud of.

Honestly, there isn’t a straight answer to all this. Each situation is different and it depends on the relationship and the people in that relationship’s personality traits, insecurities, goals, desires, and so much more.

And as complex as it may be, I was determined to explore it more to find out how people navigate these situations to be better prepared when someone sets a boundary with me and if there’s any guidance I can give to the people setting the boundaries to alleviate some challenges on the receiving end.

So I asked our 1M+ community on Instagram what they thought and here’s what I learned:

1. Don’t expect a full explanation -

Even if you don’t agree, it doesn’t have to take your peace. Respect the boundary for what it is and if you need clarity, respectfully ask but most importantly give them space to feel validated.

2. Try not to take it personally -

The person is probably going through something you don’t know about and most of the time it’s not about you.

3. Continue to work on yourself -

Someone setting a boundary towards you forces you to reflect on your actions and how it may have affected or hurt someone else’s feelings. Give yourself space and time to see in what areas you can improve and be a higher version of yourself.

4. Surround yourself with people who truly understand you -

It can take a toll on your self-image if someone sets a boundary with you that’s unexpected, but fill your time with people who you truly feel safe with that will remind you of your worth.